So yesterday I got on the treadmill for the first time in quite a while. All runners have a down time, mine happens to be during the holiday season. To summarize the confidence-bashing experience, it sucked. I only made it about three miles and felt like a fat kid chasing the ice cream truck. You know what I’m saying, right? The fat kid isn’t enjoying the run or the gallon of liquid meatloaf sloshing around in his stomach but there’s a greater purpose – the perpetuation of his plight (the deliciously-destructive ketchup Popsicle, or whatever the flavors are these days). The only thing going through my mind yesterday was: I’m the fat kid, and running is the ketchup popsicle. But hey, fat kids love ketchup popsicles and I love to run. So this is how I convinced my inner cynic to forgo the “woe-is-me” band-wagon, and climb aboard the “reality” train.  

All is not lost. If it were then I would probably become a professional Bop-it player. We got our daughter one for Christmas and I have the high score. No biggie though it hasn’t changed me – I’m still the same person and all. Did I mention that not running affects my concentration and ability to focus on a task? Anyway, I’ve trained for years and it’s not possible to lose everything in a few weeks of binge eating, but it’ll take a few weeks to get it back. 

The challenge of perseverance is what drew me to running in the first place. I know deep down that I can get back in shape faster than the GOP can say – well, anything worthwhile. 
 
Last, but not least, chasing the ice cream truck makes the popsicles taste much sweeter. And I suppose knowing that I’m not really chasing a ketchup popsicle, but my passion helps to alleviate some of the guilt. 

The easiest part of my training schedule is running and making physical gains. I run because it pushes me physically and mentally and I love the challenge. I can tighten my abs and block out any amount of physical pain. I live for the opportunity to throw my body into the “fire”. I grow through perseverance, and I persevere for the opportunity to do it again. I have learned to run through any amount of physical pain, and consider the resulting endorphins the litmus test for a job well done. I truly believe that running gets more out of me, than I do out of it. When I’m on the trail, nothing else exists and I see the world through an unparalleled sense of clarity. There’s another side to running, however; a side that inhabits the grey area of my motivation, and thwarts my spirit. It can leave me deeply conflicted over my purpose in life; questioning all that I have achieved and all that I haven’t.

When I started training for my first marathon, I was spending one or two hours away from my family every evening, around dinner time. When I started training for my first ultra-marathon, my mileage increased while my family time decreased. It wasn’t long before the guilt crept in… I began to imagine everything I was missing out on at home, and doubting the sustainability of this ‘running thing’. I was horribly lonely while running, and anxiously awaiting my next run when I was with the family. What do you do when your stress-reliever becomes a source of stress?

1)      Live in the present, because it’s the only existence we are certain of. The past is unwavering, and the future is uncertain. Allowing the mind to rest in an insecure foundation, will most certainly lead to an insecure mind. When I began to allow my mind to live in the present without worry of the past and consequence of the future, I started to truly enjoy life.

Throughout my life, I am presented with situations that I cannot control. I can only control the way I react to them.

Clarity is best achieved through meditation. The simplest and most effective way to meditate is by focusing on the control of any autonomic function; the easiest being our breathing. Allow your mind to rest while taking total control of every inhale and exhale. Our entire lives, we have allowed our minds to worry about things we cannot change, subsequently it will take a while to reverse the habit. Practice meditating and you will eventually learn to release negative thoughts with ease. Practice this skill while running by releasing the feelings of guilt, and permitting your thoughts to rest in their natural state of acceptance. 

We can learn a thing or two from dogs. My dog doesn’t allow rational thought to interfere with his pursuit of happiness. Why are dog’s so unwaveringly optimistic even when they are faced with the greatest of hardships? It’s because they live entirely in the moment.

2)      Seize the moment when it arrives. There are many times that I don’t go out for a run until everyone else is asleep. I always stay up later than the rest of my family anyway, so instead of drinking beer and watching TV, I decided to use this time for my runs. Running at night brings about a sense of calm that is unmatched, and I don’t have to miss out on family time. Recognize the opportunity to run, even if it’s only for 15 minutes.

Make every run and workout count. If you feel good after your run, then you probably didn’t accomplish much. If you’re dealing with a limited amount of time, then think about doing intervals or hill repeats. If you have the entire afternoon to yourself, then use this precious alone-time for a long run. Regardless of how busy you are, if something is important then you will find time for it.

            "Endurance is one of the most difficult disciplines, but the final victory comes to the one who endures."
                                                                    - The Buddha (Dhammapada)


It seems that no matter how much I plan, or try to think of every possible outcome...something always goes wrong. I can't remember the last time that I planned a race and had everything go right. The biggest problem I encounter is packet pickup. Not sure why, but I have the hardest time making it to the race location the night before for packet pickup. For my very first marathon, I drove around 1200 miles to Florida so that I could run one of the largest marathons benefiting breast cancer (my mother is a survivor, and she made the trip to watch me). I was too tired from the drive to make it to the expo and get my packet, so I had to send my wife and mother to pick it up for me. Fast forward like 100 races and 94 plans gone wrong, and it's the day before the 2011 Huff 50k.

This year provided a brand new location for the Huff: Chain O' Lakes in Albion IN (this is a crucial component in the saga of my idiocy). The packet pickup only lasted 2.5 hours, and was about a 45 minute drive from my house. The plan was to get there early and get home early so that I could get to bed early. I entered the address into the GPS and it came up as an Angola address; a little detail that I didn't notice. 
 
Yada yada yada... Three hours later we finally arrived at packet pickup, 5 minutes late. Typically 5 minutes late and there are still lines and people eating pasta. Not Mitch Harper's race though! For Some reason they started packing up early and wouldn't give me my packet, even though they had the boxes in their hands...I admit, I was a bit aggravated at this point. 
 
So after over three hours of driving, I finally made it home. I just wanted to eat my tofu and red beans, and forget about my night. Even though I was convinced Mitch Harper was an asshole, I was still looking forward to running the Huff. One thing that my previous disaster-riddled planning faux pas have taught me is how to turn frustration into motivation.

Around 10:00pm I was standing at the kitchen sink downing my beans, when I noticed my wife acting strange. To make a long story short: after one seizure, one 911 call, one ambulance ride, and five hours in the ER... I was back home around 3:30am. My alarm was set to go off in about 15 minutes. 

After 4 months of training, I was going to miss the Huff 50k. But what I gained from my experience proved to be more powerful than any race. "First, and foremost I am a father and husband." The Buddhist principle of enlightenment proved true. Enlightenment and inner peace can only be achieved through the experience of suffering. 

On the eve of my race I was my wife's husband and my daughter's father, and everything else merely filled the space between.     

The US was founded on rebellion and not-so-civil disobedience, yet when people across the country come together in opposition to the way our government is operating, it's perfectly acceptable for them to be treated like criminals. They're pepper-sprayed, beaten, and imprisoned for exercising their most fundamental democratic avenue of free speech. When so many citizens are willing to put their entire life on hold so they can send a message to our governing bodies, that message needs to be considered. The current state of our Union is clearly not operating under democratic rule. Plutocracy seems to be the prevailing theme; which, unfortunately, is a dead-end road.

If this is going to be the case, then our federal government should just come out and say: "So, here's the deal, we're doing away with all voter input, unless you pay us. All you other losers can suck-it; and if you oppose us... well, we'll go ahead and take you out... hippie." It may sound crazy, but they could save all these "lazy hippies", that have nothing better to do than care about the future of our children, a lot of time and ER visits. Because, currently, capitalism, lobbying, and the self-preservation of political figures supersede our right for free speech and civil disobedience. There is no clause in the constitution that says: "you must abide by these laws unless you get rich enough...then you're probably good to change some things around."

I would much rather be a radical as it pertains to liberal ideologies than be a radical capitalists. However, there seems to be this notion floating around that the Occupy Wall Street Protestors are spoiled kids with no jobs who are waiting for someone to share their money with them. Well I'm neither a spoiled child nor am I affected by job loss. I do, however, worry for my 4 year old daughter's generation. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for freedom of choice; including the freedom to value possessions. As long as your "free choice" isn't choosing to buy new laws that allow you to make more money. This is what the "Occupy" movement intends to stop. 

Those who have the most money in this country (i.e. the top 1%) are, by far, not the most intelligent among us nor the most talented. They are, in fact, the most narcissistic and and sociopathic. I'm quite sure that my wife and I would have no problem amassing large amounts of money, if we decided to do so, but we choose a noble life of simplicity and morality. There are a few wealthy people, however, that share our views. They have learned that greed, wealth, and self-indulgence are not the elements defining success, and have subsequently given away their fortunes or have redirected their goals. For example: Bill Gates, George Soros, Albert Gubay

Let's take a look at how greed and unbridled oppression has worked out in the past. Citizens of Libya rebelled against their oppressive government by protesting, and then by rioting. They were subsequently beaten and in some instances killed in the streets where they rallied. The citizens would not let go of their country so easily though. They formed rebel-militia regimes and fought for their country until it was once again theirs. This tells an important story of people yelling at the top of their lungs and still not being heard; and what happens when civil protests fail to yield results.  On a small scale, we have already seen this happen in our country. The ELF (Earth Liberation Front) began as peacefull protestors camped out in an Oregon forest preserve. In which a group of concerned citizens were attempting to prevent logging companies from harvesting their wildlife. The protestors were forcefully removed by park rangers and the forest quickly became a scorched shadow of its prime. When the peaceful protesting failed to yield results, some of the more radical protestors formed a group, dubbed ELF. The group was very organized (even had a marketing department at one point) and began creating "Cells" across the country. The ELF's mission was to protect the environment by "any means necessary". The means of protection was achieved through destruction, mainly arson. It began with the ranger station, and soon, facilities accross the country that were posing a threat to the environment, were being burned down.

The United States is on the verge of a revolution. There will be a paradigm shift in the near future, and it won't be politics as usual. It's absurd that a company, with enough money, can buy a seat in the US congress, or hand-pick a governor. The pharmaceutical companies moonlight as a recruiting agency for the FDA; while anti-union companies, like Koch, ensure our Indiana governor is methodically destroying our unions with bills such as "right to work", and the attack on our public schools system.

The public knows the details behind these bills about as much as I know the details of quantum mechanics. The media controls what we hear, and the media only reports what their sponsors allow them to report. The more socially aware people (e.g OWS'ers) get their news (i.e. facts not obscured by opinion or strategically-placed ominous music) from BBC or NPR. Here is a bold statement folks, so listen up: Glen Beck doesn't report the news, nor should his opinion be taken as such. Glen Beck is a TV personality; he makes a living by creating controversy, and he is very good at it. There's a reason the US government pulled funding from NPR, they report completely unbiased factual information so that the listener can form their own opinion. Because when people think, they tend to feel empowered...which is why thinking is a big no no; besides we've got Fox News to do the thinking for us anyway.

If your only source of news is from the Fox News channel or any other "for profit" media platform then please open your hand, and with your palm facing upward, swiftly smack yourself in the face. Now that you're awake, shake it offand continue reading.

A little known, but obvious, fact is that fear sells. If your favorite news station is scaring you shitless on a daily basis you'll probably continue to tune in because you need to stay up-to-date on the possibility of Ameba from Mars having weapons of mass destruction; and you certainly won't even notice the entire Bush family taking turns wiping their ass with our constitution. In retrospect, George W. Bush's entire presidency looks like a retard trying to hump a door handle. You're thinking...what does that mean? It means that he was a master of distraction; both of his presidential terms are a blur, and people were kinda left thinking: "something seems amiss here, but who cares cause he has the cutest little verbal faux pas." Every time there was a questionable practice (I won't go into specific atrocities because that's an entire book) in his administration, he raised the "terrorist threat level". People turned on Fox News to learn about the latest fictional threats, while they are oblivious to the fact that he was ruining social security, forever degrading the reputation of the US through his "Billy bad ass" foreign policies, and sending the country into an economic depression. These distraction tactics were so effective, in fact, that a majority of the country is now blaming our current president for all this. I wonder what GW's legacy would be if he were a black Democrat?  

The biggest criticism against Obama is Healthcare Reform; the one thing this country so badly needs. So,in summation, Obama is the first black president, (as if that's not enough of an accomplishment) and the thing that turned so many against him is also the most progressive piece of legislation since the Declaration of Independence. Which, might I add, was done in the first half of his first term. Hmmm... I'm starting to get a better visualization of GW as a black Democrat.

If you're having trouble deciphering the implications of the preceding paragraph, don't worry, all Glen Beck viewers have trouble with it. I'll tell you what to think, so you don't feel out of place: Please form your political opinions based on facts and data, or don't vote!

There Goes the Sun           By: Mickey Edwards

    Penny could feel her heart pounding in her throat as she hurried to catch up with Sammy and Harry. She struggled to not let the magnitude of what she was about to do affect her performance. She had to execute flawlessly. This was goingto work. She had committed herself to do whatever it took to bump Sammy off of his collision course with destiny. She would be a martyr so that other women did not have to endure the type of pain she was burdened with. The scene began to play out just as she rehearsed.
    Sammy couldn't believe the auspicious beginning to his senior year. The bid he received from that well-known secret society was far removed from milking cows and peddling what remained, after family dosage, as a scant try at surviving what history books would call The Great Depression all while coming up in rural Missouri. Sammy had escaped that reality which was looking more and more like the failure of the capitalist experiment only three years
earlier by going away to college. Maybe his experience of the near collapse of America was that one missing puzzle piece that helped to explain what he was supposed to become. But I'm getting ahead of myself, let's back up.